Jay Leno on “Anti-Helium”

Most people have tried breathing in the helium from a balloon to make their voice sound really high pitched and funny.  However, I had never seen a gas that would do the complete opposite until I saw this clip from the Jay Leno show.  Jay Leno and another guy from the show try inhaling a very dense gas that a chemist brings to the show and it makes their voices really low pitched.  Very funny.  The video is below:
Note: they refer to it as anti-helium, but I’m not sure what the actual name of the gas is.

 

Major Fail

If you’re in need of a quick confidence boost, all you need to do is take a look at the stories of these incompetent people:

Not Ready for Prime Time: Police quickly made an arrest in Hughes, Ark. (pop. 1,800) in May after a Pepsi machine was stolen from a liquor store; the distinct dolly tracks led from the store to the man’s home, and besides, he had left the machine in his front yard. [Arizona Republic-AP, 5-30-08]

I don’t think this one needs any commentary.  But I do give an A for effort.  The fact that he was able to get the machine all the way to his house deserves a tiny bit of credit.

The armed robber of a Fifth Third Bank in Orlando, Fla., is still at large, but based on the surveillance video, a sheriff’s detective said the man was “probably not familiar with handguns” because he appeared to be pointing his at himself during the robbery. [WKMG-TV (Orlando), 6-2-08]

The man had the gun pointed at himself and the bank workers still let him take the money?  Really?  If I were them, I would have kept badgering him until he decided to actually shoot.

Dentist Who Hates It When That Happens: Anne Greer filed a lawsuit in June against Winter Park, Fla., dentist Wesley Meyers over the death of her father last year during procedures to secure his dentures with implants. During the October 2006 visit, Meyers had accidentally dropped a screwdriver down the patient’s throat, which required a colonoscopy to remove. The man returned the following year to give Meyers another chance (against his daughter’s wishes), and during that procedure, Meyers accidentally dropped a torque wrench down his throat, creating problems that ultimately proved fatal. [WKMG-TV (Orlando), 6-22-08]

Fool me once, shame on you…fool me twice, shame on me?  I don’t what’s worse: the dentist dropping tools down a patient’s throat twice or the patient who decided to go back after the first time he did it.

 

Hilarious “Cyber Sex” Conversation

So I was surfing the internet, looking for jokes and such and found this gem of a conversation.  Apparently some guy went into an AOL chat room, pretending to want to “roleplay” or “cyber” with someone.  One girl took the bait, and this transcript is the result…hilarious:

whitebreadandjam: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don’t know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli13: thats ok. ok i’m a japanese schoolgirl, what r u?
whitebreadandjam: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli13: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli13: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
whitebreadandjam: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli13: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli13: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
whitebreadandjam: Rhinoceruses don’t wear shirts.
j_gurli13: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it’s just part of the game.
whitebreadandjam: Rhinoceruses don’t play games. They fucking charge your ass.
j_gurli13: stop, cmon be serious.
whitebreadandjam: It doesn’t get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
whitebreadandjam: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli13: fuck off-i’m gone.
whitebreadandjam: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
j_gurli13: *j_gurli13 has left the room*